Earlier this year, I was sitting at work, on my break, and a young woman, whom I shall call "Sabrina," I occasionally work near asked me how old I was. I gladly told her, 34 (I'll be 35 this month). I realize that is a very normal question, but for some reason, the way she asked it caught my attention enough for me to think she might be interested in me. I had been mildly interested in her for a short time, but being deathly shy about such things, never acted upon it. As much as I would have liked to do something for Valentine's day, knowing that I might have misinterpreted her friendliness for actual affection, this day was no different. That being said, I did not forget the incident, and waited to see if there we any more "interesting" conversations before making any hasty moves. A couple months went by with a few light conversations, but I still waited.
It wasn't until a chance meeting a few months later while I was working that I saw Sabrina that I got the idea that I really needed to do something. I had stopped to talk to her and she expressed that she missed seeing me in her area. Despite having several projects to complete where I normally work, I politely responded that I would try to get over there. This encounter, to me, seemed to indicate some sort of genuine interest in me. I thought about asking her to a movie, but never got to it.
It took me another month or so before I finally found an excuse to try something, though it was more of a social event that I saw as an opportunity that I could not pass on. The managers were planning a celebration for the end of summer that they called a "prom," which had a soft lean towards a 1920s theme. I decided to ask Sabrina to this prom. I was going to seek her out, but chance favored us to be working together one day. However, me being shy, it took me until literally the last minute of work to ask her. I can tell you that it was not I'm not confident, I just couldn't muster the courage and kept giving myself the excuse that she was talking to someone. I asked her if she do me the honor of being my date to the prom. She accepted, but sounded uneasy. At the time it seemed only because, as she said, she thought I wasn't going because I was starting my vacation the same week.
For the next few days, my initial conversations with her seemed to indicate that I was correct in thinking there might be something. Sabrina and I talked about what we were going to wear and though I had thought about going shopping for some period clothing, we both said that we would probably wear something simple. I even thought I had scored a couple points when I recalled a conversation that I was privy to a few days earlier she was having with someone else about her wearing a simple black dress. At the time, she smiled and said, "you remembered," as though pleasantly surprised. I secretly thought about making a trip to the flower shop to get her a corsage, just because, but distractions and my trip planing got in the way of me actually getting there in time. However, as the event grew close, my confidence in her feelings slowing turned to doubt as she slowly talked to me less. Rejection was nothing new to me, in light of this doubt, I decided that I would not expect reciprocation and to continue with my plans. If I was correct, great; if she turned me down, I was ready for it.
On the day of the prom, despite having not ordered a corsage, I decided to pick up a single red rose. I had a feeling it might be misinterpreted for more than a stand in, but I thought that at the very least I would have an opportunity to explain. Even though we were working together on that day, Sabrina did not talk to me at all. In fact she seemed be avoiding me. Of course it didn't help that I made few efforts to try to talk to her. It was for this reason that I thought very seriously about not giving her the rose, but ultimately decided that I had come this far, and that I should just do it.
After work, I walked with Sabrina and a couple other friends to the locker room to change. I got done quickly and thought about running to get the rose from the refrigerator I left it in, but since it was near where we were going to be anyway, I decided to surprise her there. When she came out from changing, I thought her to be very attractive and attempted to convey that while we waited for a few more friends to finish. Once everybody was through, we walked back towards the party to wait for it to begin. It was at that time that I ran ahead to get the rose. I met back with them as she started socializing with some of her other friends and, in retrospect, made a good effort to escape me. While I was waiting for "my opportunity" to present my gift to her, many of my friends queried me on the rose. I told them that I had a "date," but did not want to identify her as yet so as to not make it more than it was. I eventually found her again and decided to wait until she was free for two seconds so that I could give her the rose. One of her friends noticed this and ended up steering her towards me. Despite feeling "on the spot," I gave it to her and told her that she looked "lovely." She took it, thanked me, and returned to her friends. It was then that I got the feeling she felt a little awkward.
A couple minutes later, one of my friends noticed that I did not have the rose, and wanted very much to know who I gave it to. I finally gave in and decided to introduce him to her; which is when things started going downhill.... quickly. I walked him over to her and, unfortunately due to the volume of the music, said loudly "This is (Sabrina)." She turned, and I introduced him, to which she gave a weak smile, and turned back to her friends. A couple seconds later, she abruptly made an escape. It was then that I knew I had failed miserably and that my efforts had blown up disasterously.
I talked to a mutual friend about what happened, who then tried to explain the situation to her, but it was to no avail. It wasn't so much the rejection that hurt me, but the way she handled the situation. More than a month later (remember that I mentioned I was going on vacation? That was almost four weeks), I'm still not sure exactly what happened. Though we have seen each other in passing, she hasn't made any effort to explain her side, and wanting to give her time and space, I feel approaching her about it might make things worse.
All this being said, I'm sorry that I made her feel uncomfortable, but I am glad I took a chance at trying to form a relationship. While I know that my inherent social awkwardness can make others uneasy, I cannot and will not apologize for it. It makes me who I am, good traits and otherwise. All I can do in cases like this is to try to be sympathetic to their point of view.
I'm sure I still have a few thoughts about this, but I'd like to see what others have to say.
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